


Woah, Mona Lisa (You're guaranteed to run this town)

by graveltotempo



Series: Team Human [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Team Human, incorrect use of Shakespearean language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graveltotempo/pseuds/graveltotempo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Human gets drunk, complains, saves the day and complains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woah, Mona Lisa (You're guaranteed to run this town)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NaraMerald](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/gifts).



> ?????  
> ?????  
> ????

“UGH, werewolves.” Half growled Allison, dawning her beer in a swing.

Stiles nodded, shaking his pint in the air. “Amen, sister.” 

“I mean,” continued the girl, with her eyes momentarily closed, “who the hell do they think they are? Like, they are not even cool anymore, it’s all about the vampires nowadays.”

Lydia nodded seriously, from where she was nursing her third pint. “They think they have sick sideburns and glowing eyes so they’re automatically the shit.”

“Amen, sister.” Added Stiles again.

“And don’t let me get started on their fangs and claws. What is that shit? What kind of CGI fuckery are those?” asked Danny, swallowing his bitter drink. 

“Amen, sister.” Interjected Stiles yet again.

Allison sat straighter in her chair, looking around like she just realised they were talking about werewolves in public. Nobody was listening to their drunken shenanigans, though. “Like, we told them not to go and that they should stay at home tonight, because no moon means less powers, but nooo,” she shook her finger in Lydia’s face. “They’re all growly wolf men who enjoy running naked in the woods, beware.”

“They all suck.” Decided Stiles gulping down his drink.

“And they do it well.” Added Danny, his gaze going unfocused for a moment, until Stiles pinched his arms. “Ehi!”

The brunette scowled at him. “No, Dannyboy. We are mad at them, we are not supposed to be thinking about their sex skills.”

Allison nodded seriously. “Stiles is right, fuck werewolves.”

They all nodded righteously, before Lydia sighed, looking contrite. “Isn’t it what we’re all doing?”

“Touché.” 

Danny groaned, turning to the bartender. “Let’s drown in cheap nasty beer then. Bartender, more of this disgusting beverage of your people.” He called, for some reason going all 1600s all of a sudden.

The bartender gave them a pinched look. “You look pretty wasted, kids, I don’t think-”

Lydia looked at him, offended. “What did you say about my mum?” she asked, voice going shrill.

Stiles squinted at him. “Are you calling us lightweight?” he asked, handing the rest of his pint to Lydia, who immediately quietened and started drinking.

A man sitting at the bar next to them, snickered. “You four kids, isn’t curfew over? You should go home to sleep.”

Allison glared. “You shut your mouth, before I do it for you. With my _fist_.”

The man laughed again. “Oh come, little girl, you-”

Allison jumped at him.

* * *

“I can’t believe you got us kicked out of the bar.” Complained Lydia, as he and the rest of the group sat down on the edge of the Preserve. “Why did you have to start a fight?”

Allison shook a bottle of liquor that they had purchased earlier in his face. “That man deserved it!”

“Amen sister!” shouted Stiles, for no apparent reason.

“But we did promise yond we wonneth't attacketh n'rmal people f'r nay reasoneth!” spoke up Danny, before sitting down on the ground. “Ugh, I'm not restful.”

The rest slumped down next to him, passing the bottle around. “Scott is awful. Like, all he does is growl and complain and say nice things about me. He doesn’t fuck me like he should, it’s all about tend’r love. Like, I want him to ram it into me with all his strength, and instead he holds me and kisses me.”

“Oh, he’s romantic. That’s _so_ disgusting.” Commented Lydia. Not even she knew is she was being sarcastic or not. “But Jackson is like that too. I literally had to take the matter in my own hands, and get myself a strap on.” 

“Jesus Christ. I have the mental visage now.” Complained Stiles, eyes wide in horror.

“What about you guys? Let’s talk about sex, boys.”

Stiles smiled like a cat. “Well, I don’t have that problem. You see, I’m a smarty pants,” they all leaned forward, curios now. “All you need is mountain ash circle, a bed and a sexually frustrated werewolf.”

It took a few seconds for what he meant to sink in, and then they were all laughing. Danny clapped him on the back. “nice job th're, Stilinski, nice job!” he thought about it for a few moments. “me and Isaac art moving but soft, but Isaac is one kinky moth'rfuck'r, alloweth me bid thee yond!”

Allison shook her head, blinking slowly. “Why are you talking like that?”

“Wherefore wouldst i talketh any oth'r way?” Shot back the boy, and Allison just shook her head again.

“Let’s play some stupid teenage drinking game or some shit, I’m too tired.”

“Amen, sister!”

“How about you play with us?” asked another voice, just as they tried to sit up straighter.

The foursome didn’t even startle. They might have been a little tiny bit drunk, but not enough to have been caught by surprise by a group of lame ass hunters. Allison glared at them. “Daddy taught me the ‘stranger danger’ motto.” She sniffed, turning to the bottle.

One of the hunters smirked, as the other seven moved better around them, circling like sharks. “I know exactly who your daddies are, I bet they did.” He commented, and that caught their attention.

“And thou art not afraid?” asked Danny looking pleased as he staggered up to his feet. Lydia didn’t even look drunk anymore as stood up, poised like a snake while Allison and Stiles just sighed and got to their feet.

The hunter looked confused at the words. “Why are you talking like you’re in a Shakespearian novel?” 

“So what, you know who our fathers are, and yet you come here to do what… kill us?” asked Stiles, intrigued as he took one step forward. 

Another hunter snorted. “Your fathers are too complacent and friendly with the wolves and vampires. It’s time that someone better, someone who understands the danger of letting supernatural live, steps up.” 

Allison nodded, like she understood what they were saying. “Someone like Ms Jennison?” she asked, curiously, and smirked when the hunters all looked at her sharply.

Stiles grinned gleefully. “Oh, we know all about her. Violette Jennison, leader of the Jennison Hunter Family. At the moment, her clan lives in Canada. She has never been an opponent, openly at least, but she funds the majority of families that have anti Winchester views. Pretty interesting, isn’t it?” he asked, picking at his nails.

Danny brought his hand to his mouth to stifle a cough, while the hunters started to move, nervous. Lydia ran a hand through her hair. “You are still on time to run away, we don’t know anything about you.” She considered it for a moment, stilling. “Yet.”

“Amen, sister.”

One of the hunters, a woman with long curly hair, glared at them. “We have your wolves.” And that caught their attention.

Allison groaned, taking out her phone from her pocket. “Ugh, werewolves. They’re so dumb. Thank fuck Danny had that chip installed on their phones, am I right?” she asked, and then she was a blip, shooting one dart with the small crossbow that Stiles had strategically put on her phone.

The hunters didn’t stand a chance, as the two standing in front of Danny crumbled on their feet, and Lydia threw two daggers at the ones blocking her way. Seconds later, Allison had two others down while Stiles kept his gun trained on the last hunter, the one who looked less threatening and more unsure of the situation. He went white.

At Lydia’s arched eyebrow, Danny shrugged, showing a bunch of darts crumpled in his fist that he had fired when he had pretended to cough. “Where is Team Ugh?” asked Allison instead, glaring at the hunter.

His voice wavered. “Not too far, they’re all strung up but alive, not hurt. There is only one other hunter with them.” He spilled quickly, looking ready to piss in his pants.

Lydia wobbled up to him, bringing her knife close to his neck. “They better.” She whispered, and he whimpered in terror. Then she gave him a small cut, and he too was on the ground passed out. Stiles glared at her.

“He was mine!” he complained, as Danny materialized a rope from god knows where and started tying them up.

“Give me another drink, and let’s go shout at Team Ugh.” Answered the red head, ignoring him.

Allison tutted, scowling at the hunters. “They dared to lie to us. They said they were going to be okay, and look at what they got themselves mixed in! Ah, this time they’re going to hear me scream.” 

“Amen, sister!”

Danny squinted at her. “Isn’t that exactly what Scott wants?”

“Ugh, I hate them.”

* * *

“ALLISON!” Called Scott, beaming when the four humans finally appeared in the clearing.

The hunter who was supposedly guarding them turned around just in time for Allison to shoot a dart in her arm and crumple on the floor. Then the brunette turned her glare to Scott, who quietened up immediately.

Stiles squinted at Derek. “Where is your shirt? Why are you not wearing a shirt?” he slurred, stopping right in front of his boyfriend.

Derek furrowed his brows. “Are you drunk?” asked the werewolf, still unable to move, since his arms were currently handcuffed on top of his head.

Lydia’s head whipped in his direction. “What did you say about my mom?” she asked, and avidly took the bottle that Stiles handed her.

Jackson gaped at his girlfriend. “What the hell is going on here? Look, can you guys just help us out?”

Allison scowled. “Let you out? After you lied to us?” Before any of the beta could say a thing, she was already talking again. “You told us you were going to be looking out for something and instead? You are all here half naked and fighting hunters! What did I say about fighting hunters?”

“They took us by surprise!” interrupted Isaac, who was now being petted by Danny.

The brunette girl ignored him. “What do you have to say, McCall? What were you thinking, following your fanged pals into battle when your best strategist, your best researcher, your best fighter and your best planner are not there? What kind of nonsense has Derek been feeding you?”

“Amen sister!”

“Stiles why are you acclaiming her when she just put me down?” half growled the Alpha.

Stiles hit him in the head. “Hush you.”

The huntress hadn’t finished. “From now on, I propose that Team Human has veto power over everything the Alpha says.”

“Hear hear!” chorused Danny, Lydia and Stiles. Derek and Jackson growled.

“I propose that at least one of us is present at a wolf-hunter meeting!” proposed Lydia.

“Hear hear!” chorused Danny, Stiles and Allison.

“I say that Derek always goes to Stiles to discuss anything pack related before he jumps into action!” added Stiles, glaring when Derek tried to growl. The Alpha settled for frustrated frown.

“Hear hear!” chorused Danny, Lydia and Allison.

“And i sayeth yond we needeth m're ice cream in the Packeth house!” intoned Danny.

“What the fuck did he say?” asked Jackson.

“Hear hear!” answered Lydia, Allison, Stiles and Isaac, ignoring the blue eyed beta.

Then the red head shook her bottle in the sky. “And I have a _dream_ today! I have a dream that one day, _do_ wn in Beacon Hills, with its vicious speciest, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Beacon Hills little werewolf boys and werewolf girls will be able to join hands with little hunter boys and hunter girls as sisters and brothers. I _have a dream today!”_

Isaac looked at her in amazement. “Did she just quote Martin Luther King’s _I have a dream_ speech and adapted it?”

Jackson nodded. “She’s terrifying.”

The rest of Team Human just hugged each other and started walking away, screaming the last lines of the speech, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!”

Except Danny, who was shouting “Free at lasteth! Free at lasteth! Thanketh god almighty we art free at lasteth!”, witch equal energy.

Derek looked after them in worry. “Are they just leaving us here?”

Scott shook his head, optimistic. “Nah, they probably went to get some knives or something to help us out. Right, guys? Guys?”

**Author's Note:**

> The legends says that Team Ugh is still hung up on those trees waiting for their Significant Annoyances to save them.


End file.
